Anusitis: A Real Pain in the…

by Larry Hehn on November 19, 2012

assThis is not something that usually comes up in conversation, but years ago I suffered from a very uncomfortable condition called anusitis.

Not sure what anusitis is?

In the words of Inigo Montoya, “Let me ‘splain.”

“No, there is too much. Let me sum up.”

Anusitis is primarily diet-related. Eating certain foods can lead to irritation of the skin around your anal opening. That can cause pain, burning, itching and bleeding. It then results in a discharge that is extremely irritating to your anal skin.

It is – literally – a real pain in the…well, y’know.

Thankfully, I did find out that there are ways to get rid of anusitis:

  1. Remove things from your diet that tend to cause the irritation: coffee, garlic, pizza, Italian sauces, curry, carbonated drinks, citrus fruits and juices, cranberry juice, iced tea, apple juice, chocolate, nuts, popcorn, red meat, pork, strawberries, hot peppers, chilli, vinegar, black pepper and tomatoes. Ok, pretty much my entire diet. Not fun.
  2. Use a cold (yep, you keep it in the freezer) reusable suppository called Anurex. (My wife aptly referred to it as a “butt popsicle”.) Not fun.
  3. Eat lots of fiber and drink lots of water so your movements stay soft and regular. Not fun. But the toughest – and most important – one of all, was…
  4. Never scratch! Again, not fun.

Let me tell you, the itching was unbearable. Every ounce of my being screamed out to scratch. And believe me, nothing felt better than to scratch.

At first.

But long term, scratching only made things worse. As much as it felt right to scratch, it was the last thing I should have been doing. Scratching increased the irritation, which increased the discharge, which increased the irritation, which made me want to scratch even more…

There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death. – Proverbs 14:12, Proverbs 16:25

For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever. – 1 John 2:16-17

So many things in life seem right. Feel right. At first. But they lead to death.

So many things in life don’t seem like much fun at the time. But they lead to life.

When you look at them with an eternal perspective, which path is the real pain in the…well, y’know?

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

bill (cycleguy) November 19, 2012 at 5:29 am

If people would only realize the pain that would come by “that” wrong choice (whatever “that” is), I think we would think twice about doing it. however, it should be something that comes to mind as we struggle with those choices. It hurts getting knocked on the, well, you know.
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Larry Hehn November 19, 2012 at 9:02 am

It sure does, Bill. As I get older and hopefully wiser I try to avoid the need for that, but it still pops up every once in a while!

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Christa November 19, 2012 at 10:07 am

I didn’t see THAT coming, original post! Thanks

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Larry Hehn November 19, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Welcome to the “in the Rough” portion! :)
Thanks, Christa!

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Tom November 19, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Ha!! At first I wondered where you were going with this…how can “butt-popsicle” be in any way edifying ?, but you pulled it off…in the “end” :)
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Larry Hehn November 19, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Thanks for the encouragement, Tom. When I write posts like this I always worry that I might’ve “rectum”. :)

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Carol Rives November 19, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Hope that’s all “behind” you now, Larry! Very good point made in a very unlikely topic; you have a way of weaving, Sir!
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Larry Hehn November 19, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Thank you, Carol. I hope I didn’t come across as too cheeky!

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Liz McLennan November 19, 2012 at 6:27 pm

*Snorts with laughter* I cannot believe a) that you pulled this post off and
b) how many punny people read your blog!

:)
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Larry Hehn November 19, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Butt of course, Liz! :)

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Mark November 20, 2012 at 11:01 am

Great post! Temptation – the itchy butt that leads to destruction. An image I will not forget in a hurry
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Larry Hehn November 20, 2012 at 11:12 am

Lessons can show up in the most unlikely places, can’t they? Thanks, Mark!

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Mark Brown November 20, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Hmmm. Any professional tennis fans out there? Raphael Nadal MUST have chronic anusitis, and he doesn’t have a strict enough doctor to insist that he NOT scratch! Yikes!

What was the application of this disclosure again? Taking up our cross and following is like a freezing suppository?
“In this world you will have trouble, but I leave you my peace.”
Hello brothers and sisters!
-from Canada (‘course some of you are prob. Canucks, eh?)
-Mark

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Larry Hehn November 20, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I haven’t watched pro tennis since the days of John McEnroe, Bjorn Borg and Jimmy Connors. Yep, I’m that old. I’ll take your word for it about Nadal, Mark. There’s always room here for a few more Canadians. Welcome!

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